Why Sharing Viral Badass Working Parent Memes Actually Helps No One

Why Sharing Viral Badass Working Parent Memes Actually Helps No One In a piece for Macleans written earlier this year, Canadian writer Shannon Proudfoot tackled the problem with what she termed the badass-working-parent meme. According to Proudfoot, this phenomenon often perpetuated by executives, politicians, and otzu sich professionals propagates unrealistic ideals and ignores the very real challenges many working parents face as they navigate the working world. While some may disagree with Proudfoots assessment, I found myself repeatedly nodding in agreement while reading her piece. To those who know me, that might seem contradictory. For one, I am a proud working parents advocate. Ive co-chaired a Working Parents Committee through the local chapter of my state womens bar association for the past three years.I am also a plaintiff-side employment discrimination attorney who has represented numerous working parentsprimarily women who faced discrimination at work after becoming pre gnant or giving birth. Ive attended conferences on the rights of working parents. Ive presented on workplace pregnancy and lactation rights. I write articles about working parents, like this one.Moreover, I myself am a working parent. When my first child was born three years ago, I was fortunate to receive fur months of paid maternity leave followed by a flexible schedule upon my return to work. In the beginning, I worked from home on Wednesdays, balancing my caseload amid the needs of my infant son. Eventually, I worked from home mora and more until I switched status with my firm to of counsel and began working from home exclusivelyall with my son alongside me.Three months ago, I gave birth to twins, and, though I am now enjoying a long-term leave with the babies, I am also focusing on my writing careerfrom home. Not a single day has passed over the last three-plus years where I havent juggled work and kids in some manner.My oldest has been to my downtown office on several occasion s and loves visiting the big building. Ive fielded phone calls with opposing attorneys, clients, and even judges while my toddler babbled in the background. Ive written threatening emails while rocking babies to sleep. Ive drafted appellate briefs while wearing superhero masks, and Ive orchestrated networking events specifically for attorneys and their families.In many ways, I am the epitome of the bad-ass-working-parent meme, and yet I still wholeheartedly agree that this image high-achieving working parents portray can be problematic for several reasons.First, it completely disregards the need for a support system for working parents that includes things like paid parental leave and quality childcare. This is especially problematic in the United States where there is no federal paid parental leave, and where the various types of leave that are offered are frequently unpaid and leid available to everyone.It also ignores the fact that one in four women in this country return to wor k within two weeksof giving birth, a statistic that should shock every person with a conscience to their core.The meme is problematic because it perpetuates the warped sense of pride in working moms that forces them to one-up each other in online comment sections over how soon they returned to work after birth.Ive seen it in the comment sections of articles Ive written about problems with the U.S.s non-existent paid leave system women boasting about how they gave birth on Friday and were back to work doing payroll on Monday, or how they didnt take a single day off.How and why is that OK, and why should that be something toward which we aspire? It shouldnt.We shouldnt actively participate in dehumanizing ourselves, painting those who took longer to recover or who took more time off after birth as indulgent or weak. As a wise professor in law school once said, the problem with many Americans is that we look at others and we say, why them? when we really should be saying why not us?We should be looking at the paid parental leave and childcare systems offered around the world and saying, why dont we have that, and how do we get that? instead of angrily blustering that such a system would be untenable or unaffordable.Moreover, the bad-ass-working-parent meme also completely disregards the fact that we cant do it all, and that we shouldnt be expected to do it all. I dont know a single working parent who does it all alone. Every single one of them has a support structure of some kind.Its unrealistic to think that every working mom and dad should be a lone wolf and that success as a working parent requires winning some Darwinian survival-of-the-fittest contest.Finally, like Proudfoot so aptly pointed out, one of the ugliest problems with this meme is that it completely excludes people of a lower socioeconomic status. As she stated, youre never going to see a viral photo of a parent working a drive-thru window or mopping a floor with their infant strapped into a carri er, surrounded by co-workers and a shift manager smiling indulgently.In fact, where such workers do try to combine work and family, very different, much uglier outcomes can result, like the Rochester, N.Y. parents who were arrested in March 2017 after they left their children on a bench while they worked their shifts inside of a shopping mall. They were charged with three counts of endangering the welfare of a childquite a contrast to the adoration and admiration festooned upon working professionals of the upper echelon who bring their children to work.Now, does all of this mean we should stop taking advantage of flex schedules and family-friendly policies, or that we shouldnt feel proud of our accomplishments as working parents? Absolutely not.However, it does mean we should be aware of our privilege if we find ourselves on the winning side of this meme, and that we should work and call for action from our representatives for policies that support ALL working parents.And, like Prou dfoot statedif you know or see a working parent out in the wildlend them a hand. Though they might not admit it, they need and appreciate your help.Finally, if you are self-proclaimed badass working parent, indulge us with some real talk. Here, Ill do it for you working parenthood is not easy. Its often hard and always challenging. It is not linear, either. There are ups and downs, and scribbles all over the page. So, dont feel bad if your working parenthood looks a little messy. It looks that way for all of us.--Candace is a practicing attorney, working parents advocate, freelance writer, and proud mom. Her legal practice focuses on workers rights. She can be found writing about law, motherhood, and more on her blog as The Mom at Law.